I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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