# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
