the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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