He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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