I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize