I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
