He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
