i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Couch. On fire.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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