He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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