she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I could fuck to npr.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
