Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
how does that bad decision feel?
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