If that was your dad, he is hot
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
