she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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