Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
