when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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