every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
