I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
