dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
