Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
