I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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