forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize