My first STD was from a foam party
This girl is more easily done than said...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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