I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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