Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize