Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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