well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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