im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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