There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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