Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
