So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
