i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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