my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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