Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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