You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
