come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
