I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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