I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
