Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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