Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
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