STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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