your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
