you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize