the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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