Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it because I queefed?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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