I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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