i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
