Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
