at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
