'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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