I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
