Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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