last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
