it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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