Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
