How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
