so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
