think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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