I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
