My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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