Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
