there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
