Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
