I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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