I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
