So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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