Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
