Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize