you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
